Life itself is raw…How bored would you be if everything was handed to you in a papercup and all you had to do was drink the sunshine it provided.
I did however think cause of seventies music that a girl grew up and handed the love of her life a paper cup in which she held the world.
I’m a raw human being.. I live life how I want when I want and at which speed I feel it deserves. I have many speedbumps and hurdles. All of which I cross over carefully.. As we all know how easy it is for me to break things.
I’ve tried conforming.. I’ve tried being normal.. I just don’t get all that.
The most insulting thing I have heard in weeks was the phrase “You’re a mom, it’s your job”

NO

Mom is not a job.. Mom is a term of love in which you raise a child to enjoy life and accept responsibility for being themselves. Job is something you get paid for.. Mom is something you do from the heart. As a mom you are not responsible for anymore than keeping them alive and clean. Safe from harm’s way and always loved. The other stuff.. Clean house, dishes, cleaning up after that.. That’s all stuff you do WITH them..Not because YOU HAVE TOO.
Along the way when everyone got so darn politically correct with mommying all the rules changed.
When I was a kid I chose my own clothes.. put away my own toys and grew up to be independent.. Somewhere along the line there is this mommy war of competition… and screw that I will not be part of it.
I’m raising my kid’s old school.
1. To be happy
2. To be able to look back and say wow my childhood wasn’t rushed.
3. To look back with fond memories of childhood

One of the worst arguments I ever had with Tammy was over my parenting. To make a long story short.. She was an expert of course with all the kids she don’t have.. UGH…
I call it OPP.
Other people parenting.
I’m not down with OPP.

Back to raw….
I need to get my life in fricken gear lately and my heart needs to finally heal..Tammy’s death could have killed me. In a lot of aspects it did. She proved a very valid point to me.. if you let people in they leave you.
That aint working anymore homey.. Homey don’t want to be alone.. Homey don’t want to play that game anymore.

I’ve let a few more in the fold.. Totally on instinct. My heart says they are safe and I am totally trusting my heart..When I tell someone I trust them I mean it..I am totally incapable of lying..And even though the fear is there I have to trust my heart.
I need friends.. We all do.. The friends I have all mean the world to me.
They don’t judge. They have no need to. They TRUST me.
And I trust them enough to know that when I am screwing up as much as they don’t feel they have the right to tell me what to do.. They will cause their hearts say I need to hear it. And I will listen without prejudice.
That is a real friend.

Now that isn’t to say I am not nice to the outsiders..
This is where I am a total bitch..I can be wonderful to “friends and strangers” I have a heart of gold and will help when needed..
BUT sometimes I shut down and shut in…please don’t take it personally if I am rather aloof on some days..Trust your heart enough to know that if you care there are those few best friends and those few angels watching over me..

Like with the blog..
Or on FB..

I cannot and will not feel bad when strangers feel ignored..Sometimes people feel they KNOW me..
They know of me.. Trust me..
There is a lot more to me than the blog…
So this is how I want you to see me…
Free spirit.. Free to roam and make my presence known yet not overtaken.
And a mom..above and beyond the most important presence in the world to be…
And most of all a human with a heart…

For Hillary:

Band of Skulls
“Honest”
***You gotta be honest
You gotta be guarded
Sure I’m gonna say
Right on the inside, that is the hardest, the hardest game to play.
You sorted it all out and managed to slip through the night into the day.
Life and the soul do you ever get lonely?
I’m goin’ take you on.

Found the way to understand the things to understand the things I’m learning.
Found the way to understand the time your burning.
Found the way to understand the things I’m learning.
Found the way to understand the time you’re burning.

You gotta be honest
You gotta be guarded
Sure I’m gonna say.
Right on the inside that is the hardest, the hardest game to play.
You sorted it all out and managed to slip through the night into the day.
Life and the soul do you ever get lonely?
I’m goin’ take you on.

Found the way to understand the things to understand the things I’m learning.
Found the way to understand the time your burning.
Found the way to understand the things I’m learning.
Found the way to understand the time you’re burning.

I’m goin’ take you on.

You gotta be honest
You gotta be guarded
Sure I’m gonna say.
Right on the inside that is the hardest, the hardest game to play.****

and here’s a second Band of Skulls…
just cause:)