The blog issues
My muse didn’t fail me.. I failed my muse.
I lost interest and I gave up.
Knowing that writing was the one thing I looked forward to daily I thought maybe I lost my edge. I made excuses and ignored it. I didn’t get what I wanted so why should it.. I didn’t feed it and it didn’t die.. it sat like a rabid hamster gnawing at me till I looked at it again.. “Please feed me and change my litter it asked”
So this week I did that.
I had been reading other’s blog and feeling self conscious.. How hard it must be to tell for me to not tell all the stories and only the ones I need to tell.. Why can’t I just let go.. What am I holding back?
I have all the excuses.. Renovations, prom, graduation, jack, and a nervous breakdown..But if I had been writing I would have received a break.. A small blip of time to myself.. One that was not there but I should force upon myself.
I can’t compete with better writers.
I can only compete with myself.
I read a few blogs this week of mine and went wow.. I really am a good writer..I am.. What the fuck do I need people telling me how good I am.?. They aren’t the important people here.. Well they are but not in the terms of why I write.. I need to write for me too.. I need to appease myself. And in turn my muse will be affected and will have felt I no longer failed them and gave up.. How can they a “muse” me if I have no faith in being a”mused”?
I’m a good writer DAMMIT!
So to start.. No more excuses.. None.
Nora Ephron died this week.. Very sad that she died of a form of luekemia. She was a hero of sorts.. A literary figure I looked up too. Bad divorce working her way up to be a loved screenwriter .. Walls caving in and putting them to paper etc..
She was married to the wonderful Nicholas Pileggi.. She wrote movies for women that men watch with them and he wrote movies for men that real women watch and realize talent.
She never divulged her illness publically and even wrote her memoirs a couple years back.. that in itself is admirable.
So in honor of Nora I bring myself back.
For the sake of my sanity I bring myself back.
I’m not saying anything is perfect. No one wants perfect blogs.
I am not healthy
I am not sane
My kids drive me nuts
My oldest is going away to college and even typing it makes me cry.
Motherfucker here come the tears.. I am so not ready for this..
Just last may I was with the girls taking their prom photos.. I took some of the best photos I had taken of people and was really proud of myself.
I will share them this week.. Then 2 weeks later I was watching her in her cap and gown and unable to make words as she walked across that stage to get a diploma she worked so hard for.
OK stop stay in control…
OK Jack is having problems without structure and I need to fix that.
The house renos took a lot longer and they are still not done and he doesn’t like that much.. Well fuck neither do I.
Grasp reality, close your eyes and feel in your heart what is important to you!
I have a saying.. Close your eyes put your hand on the heart of the person you love. Do you feel skin or do you feel their heart..
I feel my own heart a lot to make sure I am still there!
The dry spell is ending with this blog.
I feel it.
I had to go back and read all about Miller and Willoughby to decide what I was missing in my blogs..
As I sit here randomly touching my ……heart..
And realizing I do play well with myself.. HA!
This is what I do.. I may be Just Gidget
But that is a pretty damn kool thing to be.
Last weekend I walked to the graveyard.. I took a pretty darn awesome pic I really love that I didn’t even notice till I got home and uploaded it.. I do that shoot now think later.
As I got to the graveyard I was on the phone talking about why I walk to the graveyard.. To let my angels know where to find me. I tried to shoot the clouds but my battery went dead.
I could not find my spare so I hung up the phone and shot.
I did not notice the importance of the sign in the clouds till I got home and uploaded it and then I just cried.
And then I realized my battery wasn’t fully dead.. Went on sleep cycle.. Oh well.
Just look at the picture and tell me if I was alone in the cemetery..
And then hey guess what.. I will be definitely hanging this pic at Temple News next month.. Might be one of my fave pics I ever took.
I’m gonna be making changes.. I am not sure if I want all my pics ot be on this site or a clean site.. maybe to be named “gidget bate’s shit she shoots”
But for now I have a lot to tell you.
Thank you for letting me back on your screens.
Hey MUSE.. a Muse me..
And in turn I will spew some awesome crap!