So once again convinced turkey bacon is not food.. In fact I think veggie bacon taste better. But I don’t give up easily so once again I am eating the crap.
I didn’t Blog yesterday for a very simple reason. The insurance sent a company out to dry out the wall and the machine they use has the loudest motor. Now picture this.. My office is directly below my bedroom.. Where the ceiling hole is. It very loud and on the floor.. Therefore vibrating my office. Making my office unusable for days. And of course I had no air to breathe while this is going on. The humidity was being sucked right out.. Therefore I have been grumpy and without sleep for days.. And this will never be over. Never.. Next step fix roof them strip wallpaper and paint or put up new.
All while planning a birthday for Dylan and getting my other stuff done.
So this morning they came out and got the monstrosity and took it away.. Gonna take some time for my ears to adjust to it all. They have been ringing for days.

So The Dylien’s birthday came and went.
It was actually a good time to be had on both days.
Saturday started off with Jack and Joe and I heading to Toys R Us.. Jack explaining to me all this time he thought the us was just an S and he never got it. He might not ever have been in a real Toys R Us.. It is an hour away. He told me the name made more sense now but wanted to know who the us was.
A small child’s toy drum kit. My mother sent money so I picked an obnoxious gift.
Some batman and star wars toys
And a keepon.
A Keepon is a small round yellow chicken looking thing that dances.
It’s a knock off of a Japanese thing robot toy thing that cost a few thousand dollars that actually mimicked autistic kids and was supposed to help them learn emotion. Now it’s a 20 dollar doll at Toy R Us.
Of course Jackie wanted to leave after each toy. “OK were done” he’d say.. I finally got him to shut up by reminding him that Dyl could get him just one toy if we followed Jack’s rules.
Not one monster high doll ended up in my cart.. But the other person shopping made me put back the 25 dollar Twilight Zone dolls and the Lily Munster.
After working up the appetite needed for Golden Corral we finished off the day there with jack eating ice cream and chocolate dipped marshmallows and the likes.

The night consisted of a trip to St Stans with the Dyl.. And then eating at the fave eatery.. Stray dog..

Wow Dyl Loved the Birthday treatment there.. We were greeted at the door by the ultra cool and hip Joey D who immediately made a connection with Dyl. Katie was quick with a Roy Rogers drink for the little guy who ordered a hot dog and fries!.
I really enjoy going there and was glad they made Dyl feel like a prince.
Meanwhile at home Maia and Jack were having date night and baking a cake for Dyl.
When it came time for dessert.. Dyl was met with a plate full of whipped cream and a drumstick places atop more whipped cream with hidden ice cream sandwiches under it all. At the top of the plate was written Happy Birthday.
I did take pics but they didn’t capture the amazing look on Dyl’s face of being loved and he was pretty darn feeling like a prince.
On the way home he told us stories of his planet that included swimming in gravity as his planet has invisible water.

The next day we did the Burger king birthday and the family party.
Both low key and perfect.

He is playing with his Keepon now.. They are on his bran new leappad so he can stop stealing his brothers.
Jack is actually building his mini drum kit for him.

I think five is gonna be a very good year.

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I’m sitting at my desk listening to “She’s heaven” by Green..I love this song.. Brings me back to when I first started the whole “Secret Weapon” thingee.
I’m feeling discombobulated.. Is that the right word for it?
I think it is..Either that or I have tossed my head out a window..
Having any kind of disrepair or upset in my life throws me off.
And the hole in my ceiling makes me feel a little disorientated.
Maybe I am as autistic as Jack.. nah… cause I move furniture around too much when I feel I need change.
Sometime this afternoon the water people are coming to set up a water sucking device in my ceiling. Because we really don’t need any mold? It’s gonna be huge and noisy and above my fucking head.. Literally. My bedroom is above my office and I assume it will vibrate and piss me off. It will throw me off to have that much noise in the house.
But we gotta do what we gotta do.
Also threw me off they were earlier than the 9:30 they said.. I don’t trust people who show up early. Makes me think they might be anxious. I like to show up right on the dot.
I don’t trust people who are late either.. Right on the dot people.. Right on the dot…What if I was rushing around still getting dressed.. UGH!

So anyway.. I won’t be blogging all weekend. It’s Dyl’s birthday on Sunday.. And much to the Gidget way I need to go shopping for him at Toys r us.. TOMORROW.. Yes the day before.. He was finding every gift I got.. Along with Jack helping.. I got sick of having to let him have the gifts early so I am waiting.
OK so get this.. A fucking Barbie.. He asked for a Barbie!
OK so maybe it’s just a monster high doll….BUT it looks like a Bratz doll with fangs!
WHAT IS MAIA DOING TO MY BOYS?
So they are sitting in bed last night BARBIES or monster high dolls in hand playing..
It really bothers me in a way that I probably shouldn’t let it…
BUT IT DOES!
I gotta give it up and not give him a complex about it…
I will buy some boys toys tomorrow. Toys r us.. OH BOY.. I am gonna have so much fun.. I can think of better ways to spend my Saturday and that isn’t one of them.
And I can guarantee I won’t be too happy tomorrow missing out on fun to go to a toy store.
I’d much rather be DOING FUN! Even if it was just sitting in a friggen forest with my camera…

So Maia offered to bake a cake for Dyl when I take him to dinner tomorrow night.. Was thinking of taking him to the Stray Dog.. Cause I know they will spoil him rotten!
On Sunday his actual birthday he has two things going on.. Birthday party at Burger King with his little friends from school.. And then pizza with grandma and grandpa..

A mother from school called and we laughed as she said “Hey I don’t even know what to call you” and I said “Dyl’s mom is fine”.. And she laughed cause then she admitted she forgot her own name there for a minute…
That is what it boils down to.. I am a mom..
Someday maybe once a month I can be Gidget.. That would be awesome.. This weekend though.. My name is Dyl’s mom.

http://monsterhighdoll.org/

I am a kid of the seventies. I Loved watching TV when it was on without the usefulness of a VCR to watch it later.. Therefore if on I think Thursday nights you missed “Welcome Back Kotter” you had to wait till it was repeated in the summer.
John Travolta was a star.. though my heart belonged to Horshack HA!. And we all loved Epstien.. Kotter’s wife was the first real TV WILF too..And then MILF later on. She was so hot.
All my friends in school watched it and almost every issue of Dynamite magazine had it too. And we all knew the theme song.
“Welcome back”.. John Sebastion… I don’t even need to look this shit up.. It’s in my brain for life. “Welcome Back Kotter” was one of my all time fave shows ever and I think I maybe only missed one or two in its existence.
John Travolta at the time did TV movies such as Boy in the Plastic Bubble” and went on to Movies and other success. But the others just did nothing and that in itself was sad. Epstein was typecast. Short of a few TV guest shots I never saw him again.
Robert Hegyes Did at the age of 60 today.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/26/robert-hegyes-dead_n_1234978.html?icid=maing-grid7|main5|dl2|sec3_lnk1%26pLid%3D130530.

Peace Within Robert…
I can only imagine the notes your mom wrote for god…

“Welcome Back, Kotter: The Sit-In (#1.15)” (1976)
Juan Epstein: [Late at night in the dark classroom] Hey, Horshack. Tell me somethin’. Do you ever think about what God is like?
Arnold Horshack: Oh, yeah. I think he’s short. And he has a marvelous sense of humor. And a great laugh.
Vernajean Williams: Hey, God can do anything.
Freddie ‘Boom Boom’ Washington: He can?
Vernajean Williams: SHE can. You know, she sings just like Aretha Franklin.
Juan Epstein: Y’know, I think God is kinda tough, y’know? But he’s fair. Sorta like John Wayne in a white beard, y’know? “All right, pilgrims, move those clouds in a circle.”
Vinnie Barbarino: I got my own idea of what God is like. I know he’s a sharp dresser. He’s good lookin’. And of course he’s Italian.
Freddie ‘Boom Boom’ Washington: Yeah? Well, if you ask me, all that stuff about harps is a lot of jive. God is backed up by a jazz rhythym section. He got a piano, a bass guitar, and a drummer with a good right foot.
Julie Kotter: Well, I think God is love. And if he were here, he’d love my tuna casserole.
Juan Epstein: Hey, Mr. Kotter? What’s your feelings on this subject?
Gabe Kotter: Well, I think that, uh, God is everywhere.
Arnold Horshack: Even in liver?
Gabe Kotter: He’s everywhere. He’s in Times Square. He used to be in Ebbets Field. Spent a lot of time in Ebbets Field. He’s Moonlight in Vermont, Autumn in New York, all the standards. He’s everywhere… with the possible exception of Epstein’s gymn locker! Go to sleep!

Fighting a nap.. Because if I nap I will be awake all night.
So more EmerganC and more coffee…
Maia has her little well tall friend over and they are on her laptop in her room locked away from the world. Now that the older of the two has her own car I feel like I might lose my teenager to funner pastures. I do have to get my teenager a car so I can finish teaching her to drive.
That being said not in a hurry for either.
Things I learned in sleepyland today.
The floor does not vacuum itself with staring at it.
Turkey bacon is not a food.. Not sure what it is but it actually frightens me.
And…
Insurance adjusters are not all creepy men with pocket protectors.
This one was pretty darn cool and we ended up talking about music for a half hour.
My bedroom wall needs to be replaced with at least a 12 foot sq. section of wall and then a lot of ceiling.
I am thinking paint.
Not new wallpaper.
And I am thinking someone is putting that paint on and it won’t be me.
And I am thinking a pretty teal color…
Some reason lately teal has worked it’s way into my color loves..

I fear my blog and I embrace my blog all at once. I fear the idea of telling you all too much and I fear the lie of telling you what you want to hear.
I fear the idea that you will find out I am really a fat white man of 65 with a mullet.
No really.
I might be..
But the reality is I do tell you what I don’t fear telling you.. And what you see is not always what you get.
I am actually shy in person and quiet.. I don’t trust people and I am actually mean spirited. So take what you want out of my blog and run with what you think it’s all about.
But I may make dirty jokes and comments that are in bad color.. I am however a good girl. My heart is usually in the right place. Really I swear…
Either way.. I’m probably just a sociopathic fat man with a mullet!
Or a Gidget with multiple freaky ass personalities… all of them out to get you.. Remember in the zombie invasion I am all about to shoot you in the leg just to get away!

After Dyl’s doctor appointment I took Dyl to get some food yesterday.. But as we sat down my phone buzzed that I had a message. I needed to change our order to go and then grab jack from school where he had barfed in the lunch room.
So today I have Jackie with me at home.
He is a really caring boy.. Has been following around Dyl and asking a million questions.. Sitting with him for his nebulizer treatments and last night wanted to sleep with us in the bunk beds to make sure Dyl was OK.
Most people think Autistic children don’t feel.. But they do its just on a different level then we do.. And we can learn a lot from then.
So this morning I woke up with Jackie across my feet, Dyl at my back, Gwen the cat asleep on my feet and Chester on the floor.. I guess they kicked out Chester. I was scrunched to a point where my arms needed to be stretched badly. I was very sore but HEY we all slept well.
I got up got my coffee turned on the “Secret Weapon” and started my day …
As I read the news I was very excited to see that the “West Memphis 3” documentary got nominated for an Oscar as did “Man or Muppet” I have no idea what else did.. Those were the first two things I looked for.
I knew this was the second day of change that included everyone.
Usually it involves me and Jack and his meds. But now Maia takes meds,. And so does my littlest angel Dyl. Dyl takes three meds plus a nebulizer.. We did them all together today. It was a sad reality. But It wasn’t about my sadness for it.. Dyl actually embraced it all. He was so nonchalant about it.
In the doctor office yesterday the nurse Nathan came in and said Dylan we need to do a breathing test.. Dyl watched him explain the test then sighed, put his book down and then said “ok let so this”.
He is such a good well mannered little alien.
Today we all sat at the table as I handed out vials full of strange tasting liquid.
When it was all done I packed it all away and put it back in the fridge as they ate their lunch which consisted of bacon and cinnamon rolls.. Their choice. Jack wanted to know why we use his middle name as his first name.. I asked if he wanted to be called Julien.. He didn’t. But then Dyl piped up that his real name on his planet is Walter and we should start using that. Ever since we saw the Muppets he has been trying to change his name.
I think all kids go through that.
Maia was CinderMai, Maiamei and some other silly names there for a bit.. Jack is a realist and just prefers Jack. I like the name Jack.
The weird thing is Dyl was supposed to be Walter and in my head he is still my little Walter. My mom thought it was far too grown up for a little boy and it was her dad and brothers name.. Walter, her brother was killed by a street car at age 8 and my mom is superstitious.
The only other name I wanted was George. For a boy of course.. I wanted a little girl named Eloise.
I agreed to Dylan only because of the poet named Dylan Thomas.. And it had to be spelled like that…His middle name is Philip after my other grandfather.. I didn’t budge on that.
When I am old I want a black cat named Walter.
H e will be the coolest cat ever.
OK so back to my babies.
Having a sick child makes you change perspective. I don’t want to waste any days anymore. They breeze through life carefree. Why shouldn’t we as grownups learn from this? Why do grownups let themselves defeat and live life like its over. I say just keep going! Sick is not an excuse. You only get sicker when you allow it to consume you.
But today I am still sad.
I am learning..Change is NOT instant.. It has to be done right or even change can devastate your internal well being. But Change is universal. How you handle change is the question and the answer.
I doubt I will be able to change the sadness I feel for my children.. But they don’t know I need to feel sad. They need to play and have fun. They need the fun mom. They need to enjoy the weather the sunshine and even the dark. But instead of my dictation how they feel and live I need to watch them a bit and see how they WANT to live. Because I am an adult and I already lived a child’s life and maybe might have forgotten a little how to do it. I don’t need to make them mini grownups. They are little beings. I am here to guide them. Not convert them.
Learn from that fact alone.. Life is not about converting someone else. Life is about conforming to be you amongst other beings without being offensive, weird, and rude. If little kids can do it why can’t we?
I want to watch Dyl more.
I think he can teach me a lot. And in turn I promise to guide him to enjoy…
Enjoy what?
EVERYTHING.

I am not sure if I am a man or a Muppet…

I can honestly say Saturday night I might have actually almost gotten sleep.
But why I didn’t get full nights is no longer important. The stakes changed and my sleep is no longer relevant.
I was awakened by a not breathing wheezing small child who was asleep next to me in his bunk bed.. dog between our legs nudged me awake to see that Dyl couldn’t breathe. I quickly lifted Dyl out of bed and took him to the bathroom.
I’d never seen a child so small have an asthma attack and it scared the shit out of me and made me feel so small. But it wasn’t about how I felt. It was about the pain my little person was feeling.. I may have been sad and helpless but how must he feel.
Still two days later and I cry when I think about how any other parent without asthma might have reacted.. And how the fact I have asthma and had inhalers on hand I was able to save my son. I didn’t freak out. A lot of moms might have.
When the attack was over I didn’t leave his side all morning.. We climbed back in his bed and I stayed with him till the pain subsided and we got up for the day.
I knew he was starting to get wheezy symptoms and that scared me.. He even had an appt. set for next week to get tested. Instead he was tested out today.
I love my little guy and I am sad to know the rest of his life will be inhalers and nebulizers and meds. A totally risky existence. Specialists and such. I knew when we had him early that his lungs fought to make it. But he never showed too much baby asthma and we thought he was gonna be ok.
This is breaking my heart.
All three of my kids have struggles.. Maia has speech issues ADD and reflux.. Jack is autistic.. and now my little Alien..
I was so afraid he was going back to his planet and leaving his body here.
I can’t lose him.
I am way way way too attached to my kids.

So last night as in every Sunday night I try to give Maia some time.. Jack gets a lot of attention so I try to watch TV with her and just let her enjoy girl time.
I saw the lightning out of the corner of my eye and went wow what the fuck.
Got everything turned off quietly hoping it would be a quiet hit and no.. Nothing is ever that easy.
I put Dyl in the bunks and he just was nonchalant about the thunder and lightning roaring to go outside…. It was mayhem.. Jack screaming Chester barking and Dyl stayed calm.. How is it the calm kid has the Asthma?. Is it god way of keeping him from getting over excited?
Next thing ya know Jack tells us it’s raining.. Well yea.. Rain and thunder go hand in hand.. NOOOOOO raining in the room..
Flashing on the fireplace broke.. Probably in a ice dam.. Water all over my bed. But I had to sleep in Dyl’s bunk anyway.
An hour later after dumping toy buckets out to use for water buckets it stopped.
And Dyl never flinched.
My quiet boy..
My alien..
We’ll get the ceiling fixed.
We’ll learn to live with asthma and Dyl having it.. Make some changes.
Big ones.
My life is changing..
It’s strange how kids just roll with it. Adults flinch at change. But as kids did we even notice it happening around us?
I drove to the store tonight.. And listened to Sirius radio channel 33. First wave..80’s new wave music..I let myself slink back in time.. To when life was easier.
The clash.. “Rudie Cant Fail”.. I thought of myself and buddies hanging out in my friends Dart playing it loudly. I went to rub my hair.. Which then was short and stubbly as I shaved it frequently. I now have very long hair and its nowhere near as cool and fun.. But I still felt the excitement of carefree.. No plans.. No future..
Then I reminded myself.. I had an inhaler.. I carried it everywhere with me.. I was an asthmatic.. I painted it cool colors and wore it around my neck to make asthma the cool new disease to have.. But I was always afraid one smoky bar would do me in.
I’m 44 now.. And I lived..
He will get through this.
And as the station played “End of the World” by REM.. I thought to myself.. Jelly Bean BOOB” …me and Rachel’s’ secret code to that song.. We now say it when we get stressed..
Cause you know what babies… I may hate that song.. But I listen anyway.. Cause I feel FUCKING FINE!

Lenny Bruce is NOT afraid of Jelly Bean BOOBS

and for your teenager gidget visual

I admit I am grumpy..
It’s best to not push my buttons when I am like this. Especially if you plan on sitting around and using electricity all day to watch reality TV.. It seems to be an ongoing conflict in this house. Things are missing but you can’t miss “Cake boss” and “Project runway”.. No way.
And if I see another fucking bridal show I will throw my mouse at the TV set.
In my opinion she should have to kiss my ass that she even has Cable TV and Netflix.
I know she is 17 and gets good grades but when I hear no one has seen the ipod for over a week and they have no idea where it went and I can picture it on the bottom of her bedroom floor fighting for survival amongst the clothes and garbage I lose it.
So now I hide in my office till they all go away.
I bought wireless headphones this week and the boys stole the box for them and I am not sure if they even work.. They aren’t working for me.
So I am cranking the “Secret Weapon” in my office.
Hoping and praying when I open my office doors they are not sitting there watching TV.. Cause there is nothing more exciting than cleaning the house while people sit and watch TV.
Here’s some small examples.. Maia freaked out when she dropped the dozen eggs in the kitchen.. All over the rugs and floor. I am allergic to eggs.. Even touching them makes me itch.. Who cleaned them up when the teenage started crying when she claimed I was picking on her for being clumsy a gene she (well maybe rightfully) got from me.
The other day she dropped cat litter all over the floor by the cat box and kicked it out of the way.
I had just mopped the floor.. My mistake mopping before she added cat litter to the box.
She is not a bad kid.. Just a lazy one.
She has a good heart.. But she is just not a clean person..Tammy was a total slob.. Drove me freaking nuts. Once Tammy left her jeans (underwear still attached) on my nice wood floor in my bedroom and got in bed. A couple days later I used my foot to unstuck them and throw them at her watching my TV. We used to get in doozies of fights over messes in MY BEDROOM. I loved her dearly but not the messes.
I am not a clean freak or even clean at all.. I am a semi pig myself but I have two rooms that need to be clean at all times. Bathroom and kitchen.
So the mess is a sore subject with me.
I understand the toys everywhere is normal.. But the cans of pop on all the coffee tables make me never want to buy pop. Sitting next to paper plates of old food from an hour ago drives me nuts.
I also go nuts when there is crap that is not kitchen related on my kitchen counter.. Newspapers, snow gloves.. Juts a big old pet peeve.. And while we are at it.. Please put a new roll of toilet paper on when you use the last piece. And wash your damn toothpaste down the drain when you spit.
I am not without messy sin.
My makeup drawer in the bathroom is kinda just all thrown in.
There are toys on the floor of the bathtub.
And my room.. Ok I hate clothes on the floor but there are toys on the floor and my clothes I will wear again are on my bench and my dresser.
LAUNDRY IS IN THE HAMPER!
Pet peeve.
I do have bras hanging off my dresser and a chair. I wear them more than once. Why stick them back in the drawer. HA!
And today my jeans are inside out cause when I pulled them off yesterday I was just too tired to take them off straight and sorta sat on the floor and used my feet to pull them off.
And I never make the bed.
I should do that.

I’m glad I vented to you all but I am not calm yet.
I just did a shuffle on the “Secret Weapon”
I needed it..
It played songs I think I needed to hear.
The Whigs “Right hand on my heart”
And Mag 3.14’s version of “Across the universe.” Her version really gets to me in a good way. I just love it.. She really gets the song and makes it her own a bit.
She really has a lovely voice and it’s very soothing.
OK admitting now it helped.
If I sit here for a bit more I can tackle the mess that is this home.
I think a snow shovel and a garbage bag will be helpful.
In a perfect world I would be out today taking pictures. I really needed that solitude.. It’s been one thing I am glad to have back in my life. I need it.. I feel a sense of peace with it.. I know I have told you all this but with things happening in my life I need a few mommy breathing moments.
I have been given guilt about needing the clarity once a month or so. But I am the one who runs things.. And this is my job.. Full time mom. Other people work 8-10 hours a day and they leave the work at the door when they clock off. I don’t do that.. I am a mom 24-7.. Even when I am grocery shopping they call me to tell me they need stuff.. I never clock off. I think a lot of moms would have less nervous breakdowns if they allowed themselves small breaks here and there.
If I had a bathtub I’d lock myself in there and hour a week.. But all I ask is one day a month of Gidge time to breathe and take pics.
I do go out to dinner here and there. No one can do this without breathing room.
I am NOT A BAD MOM.. Just a mom with a realist application.
So let’s take inventory now..
I have three kids
A 17 year old with hormones and a college scholarship. Proud of her yes…is she the princess of the piglet tribe? Oh yes…
I have a 7 year old autistic son with a rage disorder that works a lot like tourettes.. It DOES NOT have a cure. And I never ever should complain when I look at how much he goes through to fit in with US. I spend a lot of time to make us fit in HIS world too. He is a gift like all children are.. His gift is just a daily challenge and I choose to accept that challenge HEAD ON!
I am as much his constant and he is mine.. I never want to be in a world without him. He really brings life to my world. Even if it’s chaotic and hard at times.
My youngest son is gonna be 5 next week. He claims to be an alien and sometimes I believe him.
He loves to do chores.
And talks nonstop.. He runs on his own batteries. They recharge off nature.
I have 2 cats and 1 going blind Boston Terrier. The youngest cat hates all us.. She was born with a nutty disposition but my heart would never destroy a cat just because it has some kind of psychosis. She is on Valium for kitties and still pisses on my shit when she hates me.
My house is over 100 years old and although it’s very beautiful it’s all about the bandaids. It needs a lot of work.
And sometimes I don’t think I am good enough for a house of this grandeur.
I try to not complain when I look around and see other stuff going on.. BUT I am human and sometimes I want something to be about ME.
So there is my rant for a Saturday.
I think maybe someone is gonna totally understand.
If not then hey chalk it up to another mental lapse of judgement.
And hey I hear reality TV going on the other side of my office doors!

Mayhem ensues when all three kids are around.
Maia fighting with Jack he gets scratched and then they fight about that.
She tells Dyl she will put a movie on for him and he stands by the TV for ten minutes before I remind her to come back to him.
Welcome to the circus babies.
It’s snowing really nice right now but I’m too uptight to notice or care. I wanted to go and take pics tomorrow and now well I’m not..
So my main excitement today besides the 5 cups of coffee this morning and 3 upgrades on it since was the show I did with the “Secret Weapon” at noon my time. It played very well to maybe one or two people who cared.
So now I sit here with a farting dog.
Wondering what to write to you all.
NOTHING.
Need a kick in my bootie to get going again.

On some sad notes both Johnny Otis and Etta James died in the last couple days.
My dad once said someday you won’t be able to pick up the paper without recognizing a name in the obituaries.. He just makes sure it isn’t his.
Makes you sad for the ones who never make the paper.
Who die alone.
Forgotten.
Tammy was a huge fan of Etta. I used to harass tams that she was born in A.. the wrong color and B. the wrong decade. There was nothing like those days when we used our hairbrushes to sing along badly to the oldies. Something soothing about the music of that genre. Even if it was my man did me wrong …
Hopefully Tammy is in attendance as a woman who was one in a million is putting on a heaven of a concert up there right now!

and just fucking wow is all i can say to describe this performance.

and finally Etta’s version of this floors me.. and the tears rolls down my cheeks…

RIP Johnny Otis RIP Etta James.
truly missed legends…

I love when the shower walls have red splattered all over them. Just dripping down.. I go to wipe the red off and then more splatters.
Awe the joy
A little red splatter here and a little red splatter there then I feel a lot better and years younger I might add.
The red does my body good.. Makes me feel rejuvenated.
And it looks fantabulous!
Now you might wonder what the hell I am talking about.
I did have to wash the walls of the shower down when I was done of course. So no one would see them when they got home.
I’m talking hair dye.
Burgundy hair dye.
Did the whole underside and my bangs.
The whole midlife crisis hair jobs.
Next thing ya know I’ll be wearing all black.. Oh wait.. Never mind..
I’m not the normal mom am I?
Not too subtle.
But not so much I embarrass the kids. Just Joe .. Drives him nuts.. So I keep it up. Plus I like it.
Only downside is that it had been a year and my hair is quite longer and it took a few hair ties just to tie up the staying blonde part. And of course it took a lot longer to separate out the parts.
But I like it and that is what is important.
Midlife crisis my ass.
It’s really the fact I’m not that OLD yet to give up fun.
Next thing ya know I’ll be watching Lawrence Welk eh?
My grandfather died while watching Lawrence Welk.. He has strange powers that odd little man..
I saw a seventyish German woman in the old fart buffet with purple streaks mixed in with her grays.. I am determined to be that cool in my seventies.
Years ago I was in a McDonalds in Hayward California.. I think with my mom and dad. And this little old couple came in.. Must have been in there early 80’s. They were dressed up for their date at Mickey’ds. He had one dress slacks and a bolo tie like that had been out at a sq dance date and she had on a church going dress and her hair was set. I pictured them as widow and widower on an early date in their relationship.. And they were so utterly in love it blew me away.
And the best part was his shoes. They were perfectly shined.. Like he had just paid the shoe shine boy. Oxblood and white wingtips.. I just about died. The most beautiful shoes. I hadn’t seen a pair like that. And this guy must have had them for years and kept them in pristine condition just for his dates with the hot senior ladies.
I want to be a cool old senior someday.. And have people respect me in places even like mickey d’s.
That to me is having lived.

Maia slept with the light on last night.
She came downstairs to tell me jack had barfed up the sour patch straws he begged for at Staples. I have a grudge against Staples for having candy at the register to begin with. And Jack didn’t share and paid the price for a whole package of them.. No really I paid the price. It was neon green and stringy and all over the shower curtain and the tub. Last time he barfed he hit the radiator.. Nothing like cooking puke. This time was an easier clean up job.. But I am so anal about barf we are on round three with the washer and the shower curtain.
Dyl of course took this time to tell Maia about all the ghosts at Posey chapel.
Which in turn had Maia running and crying out the room.
Now before you all think I am a bad mom.. Let’s go back here…
OK Maia is oversensitive.. Always has been.. Cries easily etc etc etc…
Dyl is a little old man or alien trapped in an almost five year olds body and sometimes he says things that are either totally full of shit or he might possibly be the smartest kid on the planet and I am not sure which.
Jack got hurt at the cemetery and for that I am a bad mom.
And even worse I bought him candy cause I was a bad mom to begin with..
I DID not mention this in yesterdays blog but oh what the heck..
Jack asked as he was grabbing the barbwire fence where the goats were if the fence was electric.. It was..
We sat with his hand in snow for a few minutes.
But that didn’t stop him from A. getting candy out of mom guilt and B. pegging us with snowballs afterwards which means he was never hurt or in danger.. And he has no marks on his hand. I do wonder if he was faking it to get a rise out of me but was not about to grab the fence myself to find out.

But the mom guilt does lie in the fact I am totally enjoying them being off at school.. It’s not quiet though.. Over the last few weeks I have been learning to write with music going. Specifically the “Secret Weapon” music.. Right now it’s some Van Go and I am wiggle dancing in my seat.
I have stuff to do today but for now I am content with my non-fulfilling lean cuisine entrée and some damn fine music.
So far my day has consisted of phone calls and cleaning. I really hate to talk on the phone mostly except a handful of people but for some reason when I call a company to complain I end up talking about stuff with them and comparing notes.
This time it was stupid ass delivery company Amazon uses to ship books.. They always say they leave it at the front door and it’s always off in my garden somewhere. Usually on my storage shed for the generator. Which is slanted and makes the package slide into the mud.. Few times the fat bitch delivery girl has chucked it at the swingset.
I get wet packages all the time.. even found a few after they had snow for a couple days. I finally got her as she was about to drop it over my fence and asked that she leave it on my covered front porch. She refused and said she won’t come in my yard cause I have a vicious “stupid” dog.. Yes she called Chester stupid… Last straw.. I called an complained about her lazy ass.
Did I mention we never leave Chester outside alone ever?.. Stupid lying fat bitch. Chester fears being left out for more than four or five minutes at a time.
And of course them being a San Francisco company I ended up talking restaurants and bus routes with the very awesome call center manager.
I have that effect on people.. Then they feel like my best friend I guess. A best friend that probably got a fat bitch fired today.. And No I don’t feel bad. Sorry.. Too many people need job to know that there are people taking advantage of the ones they already have.. I know some over forty guys who would be happy to leave that package under my porch..If they could deliver from India they would.

It’s snowing out.. Like a fluffy snoopy sno cone maker is blowing all over my front porch..
I still don’t hate the snow..