When I was in college 25 or more years ago I was a confused 17 yr old with no ability to want to be part of a social thing there.
It was a small community college
My classes consisted of math, psychology, photography, and intro to journalism. I had to take the math as I was still a senior in high school technically yet I didn’t have to go to my school anymore.
I was pissed I had to take and intro class of photo as I had already taken 3 and half years in high school and knew more than the airheads I was in class with now.
But the bonuses there is within a year I will have made one of my closest friends I still have to this day. Norman. He was my TA. And once I started going to “Rocky Horror” and we realized we knew each other outside of Ohlone College we bonded pretty darn well.
The school was atop a large hill
And the lot was pretty darn low to the main street. But I took the bus and it dropped me off atop the large hill. I didn’t drive to school till my second year and even then only for the night classes and or labs. I never ate on campus unless I was in a hurry between classes. One of the bonuses to anorexia I guess. I could wait and get a burger at the bottom of the hill from this little dairy queen like stand called Mission Burgers. They also had deep fried burritos which I just loved. I was a glutton for those things. I called them burrito snack. Kinda like the old sack you could get at a Kmart food stand when we were kids. Or at the San Jose flea market.
A lot of my photo assignments I did right there.
There is a house across from the school I have wanted since I was five. And I would shoot it at least once a week in all kinds of light. I also did a lot of pics up at the “Nunnery” no really it’s a convent. The nuns explained to me at one of my shootings that a nunnery was a brothel.. And if I wanted to continue to be welcome stop calling it a nunnery. It’s still there on acres of land behind the old Mission San José church. They all knew me by then having been a member of the mission and St Joe’s all my life. All of this is in walking distance of my school.
I only dropped out of one class in the entire time I was there. I had a “friend” form high school harass me daily in my psychology class. And I finally couldn’t take “Timmy” anymore and quit the class. It was a class where we all spoke up and had debates and he would crush me like a bug on his mean days.
We have since made peace. All these years later.
And he still reminds me of the job I had at school in the child care lab and the one day I chose to let a kid pee on a tree rather than walk back down the trails to the classroom to which this kid would have pissed his pants by then. And NO I did not get fired for that. And I even earned credit in child studies for that.
Piss on tree kid I need my three credits.
I also had “Timmy” in my history of rock class with this historian named Howard Dewitt who wrote many books on the rock genre. This was my intro to rock journalism in the best way. “TIMMY” unfortunately was my TA.. But this year we actually got along.
Thank god he wasn’t in my “Biology of sex class”
Yes that was a real class.
I also had the most amazing philosophy class taught by an ex monk.
I did however go to college on a whim. I needed to stay on my dad’s insurance. So I never formally chose a major and I never graduated. I suck that way. But I took a lot of cool classes back in the day!
But I was lonely and my friends lived across the water and didn’t go to school. And frequently I stayed out all night and then went to school on one hour of sleep.
It took its toll on me.
I don’t handle change well.
I had a notebook I carried everywhere with me.. I wrote every day..Sometimes a few times. I still have these notebooks.. All filled with drawings and lyrics and whatnot.
I wrote on the front of one that the most important thing to take from biology that no matter what you study of it it’s all biology of the human brain.
My instructor told me that one day and he sat outside with a circle of us in between classes. He was awesome. College was awesome in the aspect that professors were more like peers. Not like high school and middle school teachers.. Afraid to have a legit debate with you.
We all debated. And I think the professors loved to see that a few students would discuss his or her topics off time in the quad. It means they got to us.
My cousin was so taken with his professor the ex monk that he had professor Steinke as he was now called marry him and his wife.
Recently I pulled out my old college notebooks. I went through them and read stuff I wrote.
Nowadays my parents would have yanked me out so fast had they seen some of the disturbing stuff I thought. I chalk it up to lack of sleep and friendless at school. I was as descriptive then as I am now.. Yet barely of age.. And living a grown up life I was not yet ready for.
I still tackle change reluctantly.
They changed my facecrack profile on me. Well both of mine.. Last month they got my private profile. But I hardly ever go to that one so I let it slide. I have that profile to keep it clean and have family members not be embarrassed if I post anything questionable. Plus I can hide my kid stuff on there.
Today they got my regular account.. It scared me. I longed for the days with the easier account and the fun apps.
I dragged a lot of my MySpace friends with me.. Begged them to come with me to Facecrack. We could have fun.. It’s interactive. We get to give each other pokes and presents.. Now it’s all about look at me look at me. MySpace changed too.
But like when you graduate from high school and enter new ventures you get chills at first with change but you accept and move on.
You find a comfort zone.
Facebook is no different than starting a new job or college.
You make fake friends and you find real ones. You give out what they want to see and you are allowed to keep out if need be necessary.
The fun has been taken away and I am forced to work at it. Like I stated I don’t do well with change. But still I forge on and do not quit.
This year of 2011 did not start as well as one would have liked.. But like 2010 I am determined to find peace with it.
The moratorium I placed on death did not hold. My dogs however are both still alive. Maggie was spared trips to the vets with each blizzard on days I was to bring her in. I took that as a sign and have decided she can hang on and be the Helen Keller dog we all love. As much as I hate to see her fall down the stairs and suffer she does wag her tail and seek me out. I CANNOT put a dog to sleep that wags its tail still.
Gretcshen gets worse every day. The lack of Lucy is killing her slowly. We now carry her up and down the stairs.. Which sucks because she weighs about 80 pounds.
She doesn’t accept change well either and has stopped eating.
Last night she cried all night and I put her on the little loveseat in my bedroom and hugged her till she slept.
So as with all the disappointment of 2010 I forge on.
On one of my old journals I found I had written the lyrics to a fave song. A fave song that I sang in my head since the day I heard it.
I pulled it off and stuff it in my dresser. It still works for today.
Here are the lyrics. I also am including the side note written by the author that I retrieved off his website.
I hope howard jones was right in saying things can only get better.. But the lyrics to that just went over my head.

“Swamp Thing” by the Chameleons.

Notes by Mark – Definitely one of my favourites from everything we did. I’d had the chords of the chorus, which Dave had come up with, running around my head for some time and knew, when the time came, what I’d sing to it. John and Reg meanwhile, had jammed out what were to be the verses and, not knowing what to call it, had named it ‘Swamp’. When it came to working it out I started singing over it and then suggested we switch to the chorus idea. It was one of the quickest songs we ever did. It was recorded some months earlier in London and remixed for the album. I was dissatisfied with my own voice and it was suggested I stop smoking for a couple of days. I did and didn’t light up again for about a year. Lyrically I regard it as a true prophesy.

I can already hear your tune
Calling me across the room
When the world and his wife
Are on my back again
Not enough pleasure
Too much pain
When the world is too much with me
Please leave, just go away
Before I lose my mind completely
Please leave, just go now
In the sidestreet something’s moving
Look around, look around
All around you
Walls are tumbling down
Stop staring at the ground
I can practically see your face
And another revolutionary falls from grace
Hear the thunder in your brain
Not enough sunshine
Too much rain
When the light of life has gone
No change for the meter
Then the king of spivs will come
Selling blood by the litre
When nothing’s sacred anymore
When the demon’s knocking on your door
You’ll still be staring down at the floor
Not too many hours from this hour
So long?
The storm comes
Or is it just another shower?
Picking up the pieces
Half alive in a nine ’til five
Vacant eyes
Is it any wonder?
Primal scream at the TV screen
Close your eyes
Now the world is too much with me
Please leave, just go away
Before I lose my mind completely
Just leave, please go now
Now nothing’s sacred anymore
When the demon’s breaking down your door
You’ll still be staring down at the floor
Not too many hours from this hour
So long?
Now the storm has come
Or is it just another shower?

Alternative Lyrics from Marks songbook (Dearest dead days):

I can already hear your tune
Calling me across the room
When the world and his wife
Are on my back again
Not enough pleasure
Too much pain
When the world is too much with me
Please leave, just go away
Before I lose my mind completely
Please leave, just go now
In the sidestreet something’s moving
Look around, look around
All around you
Walls are tumbling down
Stop staring at the ground
I can practically see your face
And another revolutionary falls from grace
Hear the thunder in your brain
Not enough sunshine
Too much rain
When the light of life has gone
No change for the meter
Then the king of spiv’s will come
Selling blood by the litre
When nothing’s sacred any more
When the demon’s knocking on your door
You’ll still be staring down at the floor
Not too many hours from this hour
So long?
The storm comes
Or is it just another shower?
Picking up the pieces
Half alive in a nine ’til five
Vacant eyes
Is it any wonder?
Primal scream at the TV screen
Close your eyes
Now the world is too much with me
Please leave, just go away
Before I lose my mind completely
Just leave, please go now
Now nothing’s sacred any more
When the demon’s breaking down your door
You’ll still be staring down at the floor
Not too many hours from this hour
So long?
Now the storm has come
Or is it just another shower?