I’ve decided after a few months of heartbreaking blogs that I can’t even reread myself I will write a few random ones.
I’ve decided that each day I will go into the shower and think them through.
This could get fun.
So today.
I start the coffee maker. Turn on (start) the “Secret Weapon” on woody radio and head upstairs.
From there I turn on the hall computer and shut Dyl’s bedroom door so he can watch nick jr without my noise.
With the secret weapon speakers pointed to the bathroom I start doing the bathroom things. First up a new head on my razor.
Whoa wait where are we going with this?
Ok I have to be honest.. Been in a lazy funk.. I have not shaved my legs since thanksgiving since I was too lazy to buy a new razor blade.
Those shtick quatro blades are pricy.
Ok let’s back up here so you all realize how I get away with this laziness.
When I was in my twenties I wanted to pretend I was some hot European chick. So I tried to grow underarm hair. OK I am a real blonde and granted I have very thick blonde hair the rest isn’t so for the rest of me. I did however keep shaving my legs. I had a job where I wore heels and short skirts.
Now three weeks after I started this experiment I was changing in the dressing room at work and one of my coworkers pointed out I missed a small patch of hair in my armpits. I explained I was trying to grow fluffy armpit hair and they laughed. I had maybe a dozen very small thin hairs trying to grow. There was no way this ten small haired army was gonna be a big bush of sexy armpit hair.
So I gave up the venture and never missed shaving my armpits again.
There are benefits to shaving armpits anyway.
I cannot stand things that smell. What if my deodorant never got under the small bush of armpit hair and I smelled bad. I would just die.
Now about the legs.
Joe jokingly calls me Magilla when I try to grow leg hair. Hence the blonde attack again. Its thin and blonde.. Never gets any length or thickness no matter how hard I try.
So basically not shaving in the winter is to avoid drying out my skin.. Not to get a big fluff of leg hair. Cause it appears that will never happen.
So it wasn’t total laziness. No one sees my legs and this way they don’t itch all winter.
I shaved today cause.. Well no reason I finally bought a razor blade refill was as good as any.
So leg shaving stories come to mind.
As do cat shaving stories.
I am allergic to nair.. Break out like crazy. I tried to nair two other things in my life. A cat and Joe. Both times with gloves.
The cat had hairballs.. When we were done she had bald spots and I had bites bruises and scrapes.
The cat is the reason I naired Joe.
Once on the way home from work in SF we stopped to grab a small baby kitty sitting in the middle of the road. I of course was pregnant and demanded we not leave the kitty there till the owners of the small house it might have lived at came home. Well it had to be one of three small houses. No one answered so I took it upon myself to steal it. Well protect it. Keep it from getting hit by cars.that is my excuse and I am sticking to it.
Ok so I named it.
Anyway it had fleas.
Lots of them
Beyond lots of them.
They were having a bbq and had invited friends over for brewskies and hot dog kitty cat.
They were jumping on the cat.
So after an hour Joe took the cat back to the house where I took it form and the owners thanks us for stealing their cat with a very nice bad word…Joe nicely trying to explain that the cat was sitting in the road and I really did think it was gonna get hit.
That is my story and I am sticking to it.
I was pregnant and nesting ok.
Within two days of my small crime slash historic saving a kitty event all my cats were covered with fleas. As was Joe.
I shave my legs, I was good..
Around this same time my neighbors who I swear were communists and did not speak English but left massive broken furniture outside every week after vodka parties we were not invited to had also brought in a stray cat. It was orange and not near as cute as my little kitty. And it too had fleas.
So we collectively bombed the house and naired our men. Well I think they shaved. And maybe they all shaved. His name was Boris and he was rather hairy one day and not so hairy the next. And no.. Her name was not Natasha.. She and her daughter was both named Yelena… and they all seemed to have drinking problems. And Boris always had bruises and black eyes.
I am not sure Joe ever forgave me for the nair. Or maybe that I sang my Joe has fleas the whole time I applied both applications.. First time I missed a few spots. Oh and he was allergic too.
But we were flea free.
And hated by the cat.
So where was I?
Oh yeah shower, shaving?
As I shaved my legs and listened to the “Secret Weapon” I think it was Peter Himmelman’s ”Woman with the strength of 10,000 men” I thought about what I would type today.
And this was it…