First off I can be a raging spoiled brat. I am the baby of my family and although was treated like a princess I was not allowed to be a brat as a child. So when I got older I experimented with my brattiness. BUT never call me on this.. I do not take kindly to my brattiness being called upon.
I just got used to living in a world where if I wanted it I got it. I also paid for it myself.
Therefore my brattiness can never be blamed on others. I have no one to blame but myself.
I have no sense of patience.
I also pout.
But the only one to give in to me is me.
Now let’s back up here before you get confused.
I was such a sickly child I spent my grownup years never looking down roads and always taking chances. Saving money was not an option for I didn’t have anyone to leave it to. So I worked 2 jobs and had money to spend. I didn’t eat food and loved clothes.
My back east mentality also made me the best spendthrift. I found bargains everywhere.. Just walking up and down market street in SF and buying at day sales made my closet quite packed.. Not to mention 50 perfect of everything I wore was vintage goodwill.
The hardcore money was spent on music.
And RENT
Therefore sometimes having to part with stuff at stores to make the rent bills. But I never thought I’d see tomorrow and no one told me about the sorrow.
Let’s just say I had a much bigger vinyl collection at times.
Between earthquakes and rent I have a fourth of what I had.
But I never thought I’d ever see 25.. Let alone 30,40 and now 44 and three kids.
I WANT THE FUTURE!
Reverse one day at a time.
My whole childhood was one day at a time. What the hell do I do now that I survived?
Growing up on the west coast is also spoiling.
Same weather mostly all year. Family vacations, a family dog. Good looking people.
My parents weren’t from California though so I had super duper strong back east family values. Cept for the Mohawk and the shaved head, tattooing, and occasional potty mouth I was a great kid with awesome grades.
My photos were shown at the fair.. And I made showing stuff at the fair cool among my peeps. Shaved haired little punk kid showing off pics of kids with beer cans and old decrepit houses.
I guess almost dying at ten made me live life differently than other small kids. I never allowed the word NO.. I just did.. And I think they kinda liked that in me and as long as I didn’t get to jail they were ok with me being myself.
Once my dad said the bleached look was not as good as the pink haired look. All the white hair and black raccoon makeup made me look like a cadaver. So I dyed my bangs pink.
I never wanted to disappoint them. I’m sure I did but not on purpose.
Everytime I cheated death I felt I needed to add another feat to be accomplished. Cancer scares at 21 and 30 also put things into perspective.
So when I say spoiled brat I don’t mean totally materialistically.. I mean in general.
At 21 I woke up from surgery after an allergic reaction to the anesthesia early. And barfing and choking.
I bought myself a Betsey Johnson dress for living through that one.
Almost dying giving birth. Well I got a kid out of that.
Surviving a car accident in a convertible in which the back seat broke off and my back should have broken had the seatbelt not broken off. I got a new car. OK So the insurance got me a new car.. but really it was jinxed.
Subsequent surgeries always reminded me I was still alive, whether it is ice cream or a vacation I always lived it one step ahead happy to make it to the next day.
OK hand surgery at 28 did not result in two goats named Sid and Eeyore.I finally said no to a treat.. The goats well as cute as they were.. Not my thing…What do you do with goats in Seattle?
I slowed down on all this when the tumors were removed out of my stomach at thirty. The same sick I had been all my life was gone.. There was finally a reason for my being ill my whole life and now they found it and it was gone.
LIFE CHANGED.
I slowed down a bit.
I went back to work and just breathed life in for a change.. I realized I was a death cheater and here to enjoy the ride.. And I needed to be here for my small child.
But the haphazard fun me is still there.. The I WANT IT NOW Gidget.
I get a thrill out of the small fun things. I realized today I belong HERE.. The Midwest is doing wonders for me. My skin is fantastic, my hair loves me and I am truly happy most of the time. The west coast was too well west coast and I might not adjust to changes as well there.
Case in point.. My church St stan’s had polish dinner tonight.. Now although I was perfectly fine being a half English-half german muttly back home I have embraced my in-laws Polishness. I miss community. It reminds me of visiting family in jersey. People sitting around eating huge plates of fattening yummy food.. Some of them talking in polish and all them friendly. I don’t ever remember friendly like this at all in church in Seattle. And IN Fremont in California.. Never..
But then little things creep back in and I miss the west coast spoiledness of my being..
I drove to return my redbox to the Kroger as someone in the house needed limes and they carry Lacroix water.
I never ever shop Kroger as it’s too pricy for my liking.. And I didn’t even know they had a health food section. So as I wandered down the aisle with all the soaps I was fixated. I remembered a time when Tammy and I would forgoe food at the grocers to buy Kiss my face soaps so we smelled good.. Awe the smell of peaceful patchouli. Olive oil soap and natural toothpaste made with aloe vera.
So as I filled my cart with smelly goodies I probably can’t afford I reminded myself that being spoiled every once in awhile is ok.. And not only OK good for the soul and mind and body.. Especially if you smell good.
